TheLegendsLeague | Bryan Espiritu

This morning, my friend posted a tweet saying “Love is 50/50″. And I replied that it in fact is 100/100. Soon after I got a true, but somewhat tongue in cheek reply saying that 100/100 = 50/50 = 1. Smart. But let me explain.

100/100
by Bryan Espiritu

While the idea of a 50/50 responsibility to love creates a half and half contribution to a relationship, it also conjures the thought of being all-the-way-half-way with someone and creating an expectation for them to meet you at the 50 yard line as well. Having been in many long term scenarios, I’ve come to understand the importance of being willing to be the 100 percent contributor to a relationship.

Often, the things that help our lives advance are not the things that we live for. I design and am paid for it. But I do not live to be paid. I live to enjoy the company of my friends, family and significant other, and that enjoyment is definitely heightened by opportunity, which often is a result of financial gain. But the reality for most is that the equation of work = pay = enjoyment is actually broken when stressful work = little pay = too tired to really enjoy anything. In scenarios like these, we, as humans, require greater attention to ourselves in order to feel sane or safe, potentially taking away from the attention necessary to fulfill our “50%” role in the 100% of our relationships. If our ‘other half’ is merely waiting for reciprocation for their contribution to our love life, we are often too suppressed by stress, fatigue, insecurity, sickness, etc, etc, to provide them with what they are seemingly ‘waiting’ for. And here is where the 100/100 rule comes in to play.

“Life/Work = Pay/Stress = Enjoyment/Lack Thereof” is not the only equation that people need to sort solutions for. There is the “Stuck in traffic on the way home” solution, the “I’m hungover from a night out with the guys” solution, the “Honey, do I look fat in these jeans” solution, the “Your co-worker makes me feel insecure” solution, and on and on and on that tend to push the buttons that equate to us feeling less than 100% within ourselves, and thus making us less than a glass half full in our relationships. We require a supplementary support that will give us enough to fulfill our missing ‘half’ of the circle that completes us, and without the willingness of our wives/husbands/girlfriends/boyfriends to set themselves aside to provide that energy, we are often left feeling less than happy with ourselves, and subsequently, our love lives.

With a philosophy of thinking such as this it’s easily argued that both people involved in a relationship may be going through similar problems, both needing supplementary support, and both feeling less than supported in their times of ‘need’. But simple communication can be far more substantial a contribution to love than any physical actions.

The intrigue and excitement of a letter, or a poem, or a note in the brown paper bag attached to the sandwich is the heartfelt thought of the person to share their feelings. It becomes the best part of the entire package, and often is the positive instigator for follow-up positivity in a relationship. The same can be said of simple, non argumentative explanations for sadness, frustration, insecurity, fatigue, etc, being felt by an individual in a situation that has brought them below their ‘expected’ level of contribution in a 50/50 world. The idea of just letting the person you’re with know what you’re going through, how you’re feeling, etc, in a manner that doesn’t seclude them from you or shut them off, is the simplest way of providing within a scenario where 2 people are feeling the affects of day to day stress breaking down their love life. Conversely, understanding the perspective of the person you are with in an honest fashion and realizing that the love felt between 2 individuals is sometimes all we have, is essential in making it through the tough moments, days, weeks, months that are felt between 2 people in love and stressful life.

It is not a lover’s mind that obsesses over what one deserves.
Nor is it a lover’s mind to only give what another’s actions have earned.
- Bryan Espiritu

Waiting for reciprocation without communication is the danger of all relationships. We should not act compassionate for the sake of recognition. But we should recognize when we are treated with compassion. Understanding is the greatest lead to positive energy exchange in a relationship and in addition to communication is what is key in order to set aside the mentality that we, because of what we do, deserve something from love. Selfishness creates the ‘you owe me’ mentality that is nothing short of saying, “Give me head and I might return the favor”. If this does not make sense, it’s likely that what you may be confusing for Love, is actually Fucking, Lust, or Infatuation combined with the delusion of commitment. A committed and loving relationship is not scored. And so the weight of an action should not create the expectation for a return in equal parts. That approach only puts a cap on the duration of ones love life with an individual, making the assumption that a favor should be repaid before their time is up, or forcefully cut short.

There is no certainty in love, and as a lover of dramatics and arguments, passion and problems, I can say that breaking the even flow is something that I perversely enjoy. But I do not jeopardize the emotions of the person I am with for the sake of fighting for things that I am too stubborn to compromise. Compromise does not equal complete change. And it is the concept of selflessness and oneness with our other halves that provide us with the understanding that compromise is not a forceful wind backward, but a sway in the movement of our scenarios within our love lives. The perception that we are somewhat perfected and need someone to match us, or that we are flawed and need someone to accept us, is arrogant, and is in large part responsible for the transition from loving couples to single people fucking. We are not perfected and are not shaped to be perfectly interlocked with an individual without change whose contribution is so stringently set to give all of half of what their perception of “Love” deserves with the promise of a behavioral rebate in full. It is foolish. What we do to provide those who we are willing to explore the concepts of compassion and emotion and passion and positive energy with, through all adversity, misunderstanding, unfound solution and mixed communication, is what leads us to the path of being wholly involved in love with another individual. And without the willingness to be the whole representation of that effort in a relationship at all times, we are foolishly left barely halfway there.

Love&Respect as usual,
be.

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