I took a second the other day to peep through my own facebook photos. Here are some of the shots that made me think about where TheLegendsLeague has come from and made it to. Enjoy. Or not…

Andy and Will - 2 of the biggest reasons I make it through the work week. Mad love for these dudes.

Me and Drex at my homies KaeWonder & JC’s night at Chelsea Room in Toronto. This dude right here has seen me come up from robbing and stealing to dashikis and joints to being controlled by alcoholism to spitting spoken word shit to get weight off my chest and now into the growth of TheLegendsLeague. My real bro right there.

Me, Jay, Corey and Mikey - childhood homies who have experienced just about everything with me or seen me through it. Always got these dudes in my thoughts and hearts in every move I make even though I may not see them as often as I once did. Alotta love there.

Manifesto 2007 Artist Showcase. This is the first time I ever had anything exhibited. I know, not a big deal, but a big deal nonetheless. That’s one of the OG Missing James Tees, and notice in the back - The Jameses print at the bottom and the BloodMoney/LifeBlood artwork on the top.

Peachfuzz 1 Year Anniversary at Chinadoll. A whole lot of support up in there. Debo, I see you bro - don’t kill ‘em out in Italy my dude. Kat whattup?! Miss you. Brock, Boothe, Crook, Kit, Catherine, Jahmal from The Carps and all the etceteras. That place built a ton of support for TheLegendsLeague in those early months - a lot of love has been lost and left. Such is life right? fuck.

Me and Jessie aka BBoy Jester at Club V about 2 years back. Congrats on all the progress during So You Think You Can Dance homey. You’re a Legend out here, foreal. That’s the first time I rocked TheLegendsLeague Jameses tee. The rest is history in the making.

Skam’s birthday last year. Oh Joy. lol. Andy left early to break someone’s heart, I think.

Me & Rose. :’(
My fault.

Los, Mikey and Me at Where’s D’Angelo at the Rivoli a while back. Migraines like minefields. I used to pack a pen everywhere I went to make it easier to sneak a weapon in the clubs. Fuck, my life has changed. Thanks to Los and Mike for always being there.

Me and Gillian playing chess at Remix. A real beautiful mind. I love this girl, and am very proud of her.

This is after the first drop of Ideall tees after the separation from the ‘investors’. From then on out it was business always personal. Thanks to the LiveStock Team for getting my shit on them shelves, and to all of ya’ll for taking them off of the shelves. lol. This is at a B-Boy battle at The Guvernment. Don’t remember what it was called, but shout out to B2DU, Lenny Len and Supernaturalz for showing me mad love that night. I’ll never forget throwing tees off the stage and seeing a girl taking her shirt off after catching one, standing in the middle of the spot in her bra, putting on MY shit. Fucking amazing.

Arowbe, Gavin, Mensa & Me at The Supermarket for the 4Real event. Arowbe witnessed me climb out of a cab window on the freeway, as did Gavin. Mensa saw me get kicked out of grade school and high school numerous times. He even dressed up as me, rocking an olive M65 and a black toque back in 1993 to fool everyone into thinking I was still in an elementary school I had gotten expelled from. True Story? lol. Big respect to Sol Guy for continuing to inspire us all. Shout out to K’naan.

Zak, Me, Ayah and Tanika after Zaki’s show at The Mod Club. Too much energy and love here to pack into one shot.

Tanika and I talking life. Great shot, Will.

This is right after I dropped The Jameses Tee. Each shirt was made custom for each customer. Whatever color you wanted you got it. Seeing 3 peeps in one venue all wearing the same shirt of yours is a trip.

Peace to Jay, Marlo and Av.

Me and Shirley at Where’s D’Angelo, I think. Much love to you Shirley. I told you I wouldn’t hurt Stace if you gave me a chance! ;)

Chris and I. Apparently shocked about something. Whattup bro?!

My big bro. Done know.

Sam, Kat, Me & Caroline - I got schooled this night on why I should take pride in being a Filipino. Thanks girls.

Being that I’ve been a raging alcoholic for much of my life, I don’t liquor. At this MORE Party they ran out of beer at the bar! WTF?!

Cris and I at 2000 Til a couple years back. Thanks for all the support, girl.

Will and I at Down One for his birthday 2 years ago. He’s great at acting more drunk than he actually is, and he was putting on such a performance that he got KICKED OUT OF HIS OWN BIRTHDAY BY THE BOUNCERS!!!!! LMAO. crazy. Where’s Sherwin?

Spexxx and I at Sole Fresh out here in Toronto. Thanks for the support homey.

First day of school. Me speaking to my new batch of students a year ago. Will, Colanthony and Karla were just a few of the brilliant youths I was able to mentor and teach while working at The Remix Project. I am proud of them all. Much, much love for them.

Back in them Reilley’s days. If you’re a Toronto “hip-hop head” and don’t know what I’m talking ’bout when I say Reilley’s, you ain’t shit but a noob. Much love for these two - Sara and Kev been knowing me since the B-boying days.

Skam, Kardi, DangerRuss and Andy at LS. Shout out to Russ for being honest, letting me know the deal while they all be wheelin’ and dealin’ around me like I’m a sheep. I been wolfin’ out here. Don’t get confused by the cotton clothing. They’ll speak all kinds and I’ll let it all go down. I’ve wasted my time on bigger issues.

We turned pennies into diamonds.
My fault. Tell her I’m sorry, bro.

John Bronski blessed me with one of the illest convos I’ve ever had in my life that night. Schooled by a real legend. I’m grateful.

Mensa sees all. Don’t point a camera at him. Oh, I see, you’re trying to get your hands on a Jameses tee. Milana I see you!

Stirling in Urbanology rocking the LoveHate tee by IdeallClothing. Good lookin’ out dude. Cop yours at TheLegendsLeague Online Shop.

Me, Courtney and Taurean at the release of NaNa’s The World Inside My Head Album. No love lost my brother. Just communicate with me.

Jenny and My introduce me to Guitar Hero. They didn’t cook me the eggs and steak with rice that they promised, and neither did Steph. It was a set up. But the curry pizza was BOMB. Much love for both of these girls.

My sister and my sister at my birthday 2 years ago. Later that night I’d cut my arm open like I wish I still had the balls to kill myself. If only you knew.

We’ve been through too much to let this fall, brother. Keep making those moves. It’ll all make sense.

Rock Steady Crew bus trip 1997. The most amazing rooftop party in history. Ask about it.

Skam and me in front of LiveStock Toronto, loving the weather. The opening of this shop changed my life. Thanks to Jay, Los, Garry, and the whole team.

While at the Peace Magazine event at CIRCA, a girl comes up to me with the magazine and says, “Hey, check this out”. And there I was, featured in the mag. Shout out to Josh Router aka JR Ewing for the interview and all the peeps at Peace for making that happen. I thought that shit was just gonna be an online thing. lol.

Auggie, Skam, Andy, Myself, Los, Will, and Addy Boy at the Diamond D party at CIRCA. Who cares if I got 2 teams? I run the fucking League. Whattup Future?!!

Me, Kevin aka my dad’s look alike and JR from Times Neue Roman at Shuffle Party here in Toronto. Nuff respect for both of these dudes.

Brock aka your favorite designers favorite designer, Avi (Inqmnd & TasteBuds) and I at Shuffle Party.

Ideall Clothing’s T.O. Don’t Love U Tees flooded the streets last Summer. Thanks to everyone for the support. Apparently T.O. Does Love LL. lol. More colors to come. For now, get your T.O. Don’t Love You Sweaters at TheLegendsLeague Online Shop.

Me and Chris Kang. Too much genuine respect here. Way too much. I miss you dude.

(that was a lot of photos).

I Can’t Work Tonight
by Bryan Espiritu.
(I wrote this this morning while on my way home from LiveStock. It is a true recollection of one of my reoccuring bouts with schizophrenia while I was in high school. Thanks for reading.)

——————————–

Lori had left me and by the time I could make it down the gank, beiged hallway and down the stairs I had already soaked my chin hairs sparse with tears. Careful not to slip, I walked down the twenty-odd steps with grease between the treads of my work boots and pushed through the double emergency doors with the panes of plastic blinds covering them. Once they shut behind me there was no re-entering.

On my hands was blood, from tips to wrists and the pain of my chest was stringing my teeth. I couldn’t bare to look at them any longer. I walked quickly toward the tram stop, hoping one would be available for me to just hop onto and hide into, but there were none. Not a one. Not a soul could know how it felt that afternoon to see two children and a grown man devilishly demonize the bus towards the mall. And that poor woman with her ankles leaking blood from how tightly the straps had been wired around her lower leg - …

I am not dreaming, if dreams are built of clouds and lightly things. This is not a nightly scare or ‘mare’ since the lights from sunshine brings me glows. I have fell much further below. But today is the hello to my sanity’s goodbye, and I am sorry, I cannot work my shift tonight.

I rushed through the back greens and through the track to get to the hole in the fence on my way to work. I must have fucked 2 or 3 times that morning knowing how feisty I was those days. Mostly men of my age at that point would be gleaming to have had these sprees. Not me. Not under these circumstances or with these pills. Then, almost towards the pole that I would circle to get to the bus shelter, I looked and there my hands were covered red. My breathing shortened and my vision lengthened then closed like in old horror films. My hearing was dulled, my beating chest was heaving for breath. My hands were full. And the stench had me reeling. I boarded the bus and the demons came.

And so my eyes have never been the same.

——————————–

Welcome To TheLegendsLeague

One of the most open conversations I’ve had in a very long time happened last night with my homegirl cris. This is the dialogue exactly as it happened.

be:
I wish my parents had homes I could move into man.
I wish.

cris:
??

be:
So I could persue my shit properly.
I can’t afford my dreams and my rent and my bills.

cris:
I feel you.

be:
My mom lives with my cousins and their fam and my pops lives in someone’s basement.

cris:
I don’t know what to say, that just crushed me.

be:
??
Why

cris:
I believe you’ll never stop.

be:
I probably won’t.

cris:
I know
I don’t want you to either.

be:
I’m not sure what to do with this writing thing though.
I’m really scared…
about dying now that I don’t want to be dead.

When you’re suicidal you’re pretty fearless.
Because the end of your life would actually be quite fulfilling.
Now that I feel more recognition for my life I’m worried that I’ll die before I can do what needs to be done.

Don’t get me wrong, because this isn’t the romanticized version of thinking I’ll die young like all the greats. It’s the fear that time is actually against me.

I design clothing to fulfill a few aspects of my creative vision - as a designer and as someone who enjoys some of the fair vanities that come with making some money. But I also do it because I know it will provide me with money. Money to continue to write, and at some point, live without the burden of someone else’s clock.

cris:
You really have that fear? Do you still have those thoughts?
There is a reason you’re still here.
Many I’m sure of it.

be:
When the time comes that designing has paid me enough that I can live to write - I’m finished.
And I’ll feel my purpose has been served.

cris:
Look how far you’ve come with LL and Ideall as a whole.
Your determination and focus.
So many people feel you.

be:
But because there are steps to take - so many of them - before this all happens, I’m worried that I’ll pass before I can do what I’ve always dreamt of doing. And that’s writing this book.

cris:
I have no doubt in my mind that people will react the same to your writing.

Well why do you feel like that? Is it because you were suicidal? Or because you still are?
What is it in you that makes you feel that way?

be:
I’ve always felt like this.
I never thought I’d live passed my early 20’s.

cris:
I don’t think you’re done.
No where near done.

be:
I’m definitely not done. I’ll know when I am.
And it has everything to do with this book.

But I’m not suggesting that I’m suicidal and thinking of taking my own life.
I’m sure my life will just take itself away unannounced.

We’ll just have to see I guess.
…

thanks cris.

If you weren’t at the Lost In The WiLLderness x Octobers Very Own party last month, it’s okay - you weren’t invited.

I’m kidding.

This video should be some indication of why NOT to miss our next event. Shout out to my newly acquired team: Fresh Boss, Addy Boy, DJ Wristpect, Sir Lancelot, and PhotoWiLL.

Don’t sleep.
My little bro is a beast.

Nothing quite echoes my sentiment about never letting ya’LL down like J-Ivy’s verse on Kanye’s College Dropout.

We are all here for a reason on a particular path
You don’t need a curriculum to know that you are part of the math
Cats think I’m delirious, but I’m so damn serious
That’s why I expose my soul to the globe, the world

So I guess I’m one of a kind in a full house
Cuz whenever I open my heart, my soul, or my mouth
A touch of God reigns out…

Lately I’ve been going back into my archives of writing and poetry to find inspiration. I hope it means something to those of you who take the time to read it.

Here’s a semi-old story I wrote a little while ago…

What’s The Buzz Code

Welcome To The Legends League

The “It’s About Fucking Time” Obama tees will be available at LiveStock Toronto TOMORROW and are available Online at our shop.

I caught this photo off of my homegirl Angie’s Facebook page.

B-Boy Nastic rocking the heavily slept on “Doin’ Bad By Ourselves” Ideall Tee in Infrared.

Send your T.O. (hearts) Ideall pics to info@ideallclothing.com

Check the online Ideall Store if you haven’t already.
We’re out here gettin’ that $.

Much love for all the support ya’LL.

One of my favorite poems I’ve ever written is featured and has been featured on the myspace page of a LONG time LegendsLeague supporter, my homegirl Nadia. She is a talented visual artist, has an impeccable taste for dope music, and shows nothing but love for the brands and people she supports.

I don’t exactly know why it’s on her page. I don’t know what she took from the piece that made her post it, or how she feels about the poem, but it’s there. And it’s a nice reminder to me of what that myspace page did for people when it was at it’s peak. I’ll never get that time back. That moment in TheLegendsLeague’s history and life was a very, very precious time, and I loved it very much.

I wish some of you only knew.

Here’s the piece.
Thanks Nadia. For always showing me and (*LL) love.

The wind blew twice,
one time it threw
my wrongside right,
and my life in two.
Between these scenes,
my neck cut crew,
then seen through seams
how much I grew.
To believe this dream
and from where they flew,
but more to fuse
what I’d confused.
I cleansed my sheets
and bleached them new,
and now I sleep…
for you.

- Be. (Legends League)

They say you don’t know what you got til it’s
gone.

Love&Respect as usual.
be.

I caught this on facebook while I was on my way home today from LiveStock. Nebby rocking the Ideall Clothing Free Gucci Mane tee, available at www.IdeallClothing.com.

Shout out to Nebby for always showin’ us some LLove.

Send YOUR “T.O. (hearts) Ideall” pics to info@ideallclothing.com.