I’m no pro on love, but I know that sometimes our hearts aren’t whole enough to beat past a breath or bleed half a pint to make us see past our minds… and how they blur us. My visions of love may be somewhat Mariah. Maybe they’re too high, or maybe psychotic. Maybe erroneous, erogenous logic that I’m just too sensitive about. But they are my visions just as much as every schizophrenic incident had been. They’re my visions like every schizophrenic incident I’ve seen, and the fear I have of not getting to them is deserting. It’s water in the sand… too far fetched. I’d carry a pail to a hill for a Jill. And all the way back to be Jack for her thrills and fall for her. But these visions of love seem to be fairy’s tales. A pixie’s dust for a lust too tricky or misled trust run amok too thick. She must always think I regress. I must not blink too frequently as to be sure that I don’t miss anything about these visions of love and other strange things. Or maybe I should blink so much more often so I can see the darkness behind blinding yourself by ideas of true magic. I wear my heart on a sleeve that carries up it no tricks. I wear a heart that has been broken by names, bones and sticks for it believed the power of a simple poem. That “Names will never hurt me”. I believed, and was crippled when I wrote, “This love is not the air beneath my feet, but the reason I am afloat”. And it echoed in a room where nobody had ever been broken. Where had the vision of love gone that I had so fondly dreamt of and spoken? “Hello Love, we haven’t met before.”. And Love replied, “If ever we part, you will regret me more than having never just said to me, ‘Hello’, you fool”. An unstirred pot makes for poorly flavored stews. I’ve walked miles in the shoes of my expectations and have arrived at nothing but hot water and a scalded hope. I would sooner be the weight to a fallen rope than continue to search for a vision I’ve had since I were a young boy that just seems to elude. Rejoice to the news of a noose and its muse. I will loosen the tie from the bow of an unaimed cherub. He will miss with an arrow, his target too careless, and left bleeding. I will reveal whole hearted – “Love, come over here and finish what you’ve started”. I am seeing that Love is rare, so when it’s real, be there. But within it’s good lays an evil, devilish touch so tainted it would leave a masterpiece painting, easel and brush, undone. It’s been a disguise. Amongst barbie dolls and ballsy guys, I am doing all I Ken to validate having a Malibu Miss. Give her a rum and a kiss, thumb to the part where her hips and her upper thigh are joined and hope for the best. I regress, I regress. Yes, my visions, my visions. I’ve had a vision of love that had carved from a stone block, a Missis with no name who had honed, locked and aimed her passion towards the apple of my tear coated eye. A man who cries is bleeding through tears. I’ve bled this heart dry over numerous years, humorous break-ups, raised glasses and Cheers’d to being single again. Then Love again. Then searching for why my visions were unreal. It’s like I mustn’t see what I cannot feel, but I look for love like I hunt for a heart to give it back to. No returns here, only exchanges so there’s something for us both to keep. I am maimed like my “Happily Ever After” was weak and I returned from the dark but didn’t keep my receipt. It’s a shame… that if love is blind, I need not these visions. I trust that if love is blind, I need these visions even more. For if Love cannot see it, then I must. If nothing is certain, at least of this, I am sure. From a vision to something to touch. From tainted to something re:stored.

“Re:Vision to Love”
- written by Bryan Espiritu.
From a book I am currently working on entitled, “The Cynic Route”.

“You’re the reason that I’m still breathing…”

Happy 11th Birthday, baby. I’m so proud of everything that you are. Your individuality, your creativity, your humor, your joys for music and art, your honesty and compassion, are all things that I’m always shocked by and in awe of. You helped me grow healthily as much as I can only hope to contribute right back to you. I really do adore you, babe.

You’re the 1 twice over, you’re the new 11.

Love always,
dad.

(Minus the R.Kelly ad libs, this is the shit…)

At Your Best (You Are Love)
Aaliyah (R.I.P.)

When I feel what I feel
Sometimes it’s hard to tell you so.
You may not be in the mood to learn
What you think you know.

There are times when I find
You want to keep yourself from me.
When I don’t have the strength
I’m just a mirror of what I see.

But at your best you are love.
You’re a positive motivating force within my life.
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why,
Let me know, let me know…

When you feel what you feel
How hard for me to understand.
Oh so many things have taken place
Before this love affair began.

But if you feel like I feel
Confusion can give way to doubt.
For there are times when I fall short of what I say,
What I say I’m all about.

At your best you are love.
You’re a positive motivating force within my life.
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why,
Let me know, let me know, let me know…

If you’re wondering,
You gotta let me know, baby.
Gotta let me know.
You don’t have to worry.

If you’re wondering,
You gotta let me know, baby.
Gotta let me know.
You don’t have to worry.

Let me know.
You don’t have to worry.

My Treasure Chest
an early morning rant by Bryan Espiritu

The gem means more when its under dirt. Like slumber shirt hems and numbers worth, its long.. as distances ran in tracks. Or lands I ran, and the plans I rack. Whose nack is gold in a wooden chest? Ask out to scouts who should invest… (like undercoats for a tux’s shell). I’m consumed in vacuums, it sucks as well. The diamond shape dons Super’s shirt. The mind escapes, it’s too superb.. too obscure, too without a fix, too without a cure, and breaks bones with sticks. And names will never hurt me, slut. I’ve made an ass of if’s and butts. I’m a smoke burned down to its final ash, a toke, some coke short of throttled trash. Greened with envy like my bottled glass. I’m a thoughtful ride, with a modeled crash. I’m a hot design printed on a shirt, displayed on pages and gone berzerk. Raved on, green, supreme with cash. Leaned on mean til the till collapsed. The laughter came when the joke revealed. She poked my page and provoked the shield. I spoke once, saying that I’d never cheat. But I will move closer for a better seat. A pill through potion and a pint for cheap. A mind like Mogli, resign the chief. If life is golden, I entrust my wrist to a life long promise that I must exist. I’ll commit and admit I’m in touch with this, until the rich ask Discovery to bust the myth. I’m dummy, I’m rummy, I’m crutched and hurt. I’m Johnny, no Cash hurt, and what’s absurd.. the earliest bird’s said to gain the catch. But the earliest worm gets maimed too fast. A murder for necessity’s no heinous act. Electric simplicity, its Raiden’s craft. I’m grave, lost marbles, I’m chipped in stone, and think peace with each punch that my fists condone. I sacrifice words that my lips have sewn, for the fabric of a life, I have risked the poem. I have slipped, hurt hip joints, and missed the mark. I have lists, short bullet points, a quest will Start… (like the button just right of the Nes Select). Control every call. Change. Accept. Collect. Buried in a bushel, 30 years of earth… is a chest with a treasure that appears of worth… to a world I predict that your heart forgot, filled with gold, but your ex, hadn’t marked the spot. And your next is obliged to unleash the catch. From the deep, please release the latch. At last.

If you’re viewing this post on facebook click here for audio.

There are a lot of songs that make me feel less alone in my own head. This has always been one of them. Read the lyrics… Billy is a beast.

Holla if you hear me.

“We’ve got a long way to go.
When snow hits the asphalt, cold looks and bad talk come.
We’ve got a long way to go.
It’s beyond Martin Luther.
Upgrade computer.

His/Her skin wasn’t the same color as mine but (s)he was fine, (s)he was fine.
If all men are made equal then he/she was fine, (s)he was fine.
Up until the time we went out on a date, I was fine, I was fine.
Now I’m getting dirty looks I wonder what they’d say if we were blind,
we were blind people.

We’ve got a long way to go.
When snow hits the asphalt, cold looks and bad talk come.
We’ve got a long way to go.
It’s beyond Martin Luther.
Upgrade computer.

We’ve got a long way to go.
When snow hits the asphalt, cold looks and bad talk come.
We’ve got a long way to go.
It’s beyond Martin Luther.
Upgrade computer.

Beauty is beauty, whether it’s black or white,
Yellow or green baby, you know what I mean.
What if Picasso only used one color?
There shouldn’t be a rule how to choose your lover.

Lovers in love, such a wonderful thing.
Maybe in time we’ll get together and sing.
I really hope so, there’s nothing wrong with this picture.
We got a long way to go, we gotta get there quicker.

We’ve got a long way to go.
When snow hits the asphalt, cold looks and bad talk come.
We’ve got a long way to go.
It’s beyond Martin Luther.
Upgrade computer.

We’ve got a long way to go.
When snow hits the asphalt, cold looks and bad talk come.
We’ve got a long way to go.
It’s beyond Martin Luther.
Upgrade computer.

What color is love?
What color is love?
What color is love?

We’ve got a long way to go.
When snow hits the asphalt, cold looks and bad talk come.
We’ve got a long way to go.
It’s beyond Martin Luther.
Upgrade computer.

We’ve got a long way to go.
When snow hits the asphalt, cold looks and bad talk come.
We’ve got a long way to go.
It’s beyond Martin Luther.
Upgrade computer.

… that all men are created equal…
… children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by…
… the color of their skin…
… but by the content of their character…
… this will be the day when all of God’s children…
… will be able to sign with a new meaning….
… not only that…..”

I know the pressures and pains of being in mixed race relationships. Everything from not being introduced to family members because of my background to not feeling welcome in particular cities while holding a white woman’s hand. It all can break your confidence in the idea of being in love very quickly. It’s a shame, but it, like many things we cannot avoid, is a truth. It’s important for us to stay strong and stay proud of what really matters – our genuine feelings for one another.

Spread Love. We have a long way to go..

Download it HERE

This is my last blog post on TheLegendsLeague for 2009. All I’d like to say is thank you for believing in me. Thank you for showing support, sharing your opinions, investing time in my writing, investing your hard earned money on my brand, putting up with my non-stop updates on Twitter and Facebook, trusting my judgement, and never losing faith.

TheLegendsLeague is about my life. That may not have been my initial intent for it, but it’s the truth. In the year to come this will be more evident than ever. I have a story to tell. You have all been part of the introduction. And now I’m going into the newest chapters.

So thank you all. I have an honest love for you. And I hope you’re still around for the ride in the future.

LLove&Above,
bryan.

Here is the abbreviated version of some of the events of my life over the past 10 years. If you get a chance to do this for yourself, I highly recommend it. It gives you a little bit of insight into your own progress. The order may be a bit off, but it’s all true and I’ll probably end up adding more to it for my own sake. Enjoy.

Happy New Year guys. Thank you so much for your support over the years. I appreciate it and I’m excited to share the future of my company and my brand with you guys in the years to come.

LLove & Respect as usual,
be.

I had to take a photo of this..

I told a friend recently that it’s not healthy to have to build a wall in front of your heart. Instead, it’s important to reveal it in whole, create an environment around it, and invite people into it. Those who aren’t deserving can see it, but they are not welcome to enjoy it.

There is something threatening about being willing to be honest at ever opportunity, and I think it’s that most people who are lying to themselves or are being dishonest in their day to day lives know that if they’re discovered for their true selves, the willingly honest people around them may expose who they are to those who are still being fooled. Scary, isn’t it?

Yesterday I spoke with my cousin about separating my heart from my client work. Not in a sense of detaching my love for design from my projects, but in the sense of detaching my love for what I create in a way that I’m okay with it being in the hands of someone else to take ownership over. It’s like being a surrogate creator. I have a different respect for a surrogate mother than I do for the mother who raises a healthy and happy child, and I have a different respect for the designer of a good logo than I do for the company who creates a strong brand around their identity.

But detachment from potential attacks or things that you hold dear isn’t a reason to build a wall.

I always think about the world going through some extinction level catastrophe that spares only a small percentage of the global population. We would be left with next to nothing and have to thrive again off of the land and what we were able to offer one another in terms of moral support and strength based on character in order to sustain our minds through the difficult times. And I think about everyone who has built elaborate walls around themselves, and created a false environment of rich character that would now be reduced to rubble and bits. Money would mean nothing. Belongings would be next to none. And our true characters would be our only claims to wealth.

Where would you stand on the scale of poorest to richest?

I’m not suggesting that it’s necessary to say everything that is in your heart. I’m just suggesting that there comes a time when everything that you say or do must be 100% from your most honest self or else you’re doing nothing but being a liar. And to me that’s not worth much in this life, or any other life for that matter.