I like you Bryan. And I don’t want to miss you.

Um, yeah. That works for me.
It definitely put a smile on a frowning face. And while I know you’ll never see this, know that it meant the world to me.

- be.

I recently saw you today as you passed lavish and squalor (…) I doubt that you even remember seeing me. As you walked by me I didn’t know what to say to you or if I should even stop you in the first place.

Since I couldn’t say it to you in person I might as well say it now lol… You have been an enormous source of inspiration in my life. I won’t go into detail but just know that no matter how successful you become with your blog and Ideall; that you’ve already sparked a mind that was headed in the wrong direction. So I guess I would like to thank you for that… some of your words on the blog really hit home with me especially the post where you listed all the things you’ve gone through in the past 10 years. It was great seeing you today, I only wish I stopped you and told you this in person.

This motivated me a lot. Thank you. I do remember seeing you, and in the future you shouldn’t hesitate to say wassup.

- be.

I’m worth more than what I’ve been used for.

Thanks for the quote Liz.

“All” is the not the opposite of nothing.
That would be anything
Remotely “something”.
“All” is what opposes those who want a specific happiness.
Why want it all
when you can want it just right.

Nike needs to do a take on this skit with LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade (aka DuBosh LeWade) vs. Kobe Bryant in his LA Times Magazine spread outfit.

My dream Lebron x Bosh x DWade x Kobe Nike Ad

The spot will be voiced over by LeBron.

Scene: People partying in a Los Angeles nightclub, focus turns to 3 girls flirting and surrounding one man, dressed like a typical, off the street hipster in a V-Neck tee, skinny denim and wearing a rosary and wayferer RayBans. He flirts back awkwardly.
LeBron (voice over):
The, the guy that wasn’t even the most rich was doing the most winning. I had my jewels all on, looking like Slick Rick and all that.

Scene: Lebron, wearing an unruly amount of jewelry is with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh laughing, smiling and jovially celebrating their recent signing to the new powerhouse Heat squad during the off season.

LeBron (voice over):
If you’re wearing expensive fly (bleep) now, if you’re from L.A., them fools were on some weirdo (bleep).
Scene: Cut to Jabbawokeez wearing masks and gloves dancing in the club, looking strangely out of place.

LeBron (voice over):
We’re in the club, getting our groove on and stuff. And Kobe came in.
Scene: DuBosh LeWade seem to stop mid-party and look towards entrance, pointing in the direction of Kobe. Smiles fade slightly.

LeBron (voice over):
That’s when the season just ended, and Kobe was the (beep), know’msayin’?
Scene: Kobe, clad in his now infamous white attire from the Los Angeles Times Magazine spread, glides into the club almost as if floating on air, backed by his team of androgynous supporters also dressed in white scarves and brimmed white hats.

LeBron (voice over):
Kobe had on, a white dress shirt and white pants. He was wearing a bow tie, a white bow tie. He had a white headband with a white top hat and a white wristband with his lips all puckered up, looking like Iman on her way to Heaven.

Scene: Kobe greets them with hand outstretched, palm facing down, fingers limp, with his glowing rings (never shown) shining in the faces of the trio like the mysterious suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Laughter breaks out among the trio as Kobe strikes up conversation.

Kobe: Hello LeBron James
LeBron: Kobe, whassup?
Kobe: I’m a big fan of your clutch plays. (Looks to DuBosh) Chris. Du-Wayne.

Scene: Bosh and Wade nod heads upward as if to say, “Whattup?”

Kobe: Would you like to come to my house and watch videos of Michael?
LeBron: Ooh, that’s cool. Chris, Dwayne, let’s get the car.
Kobe: Assemble your crew. I’ll be outside.

Scene: Smoke fills frame as Kobe seems to disappear into thin air. Cut to low key party scene at Kobe’s house.

LeBron (voice over): We went out there, watched some videos of Michael slamming. Y’know’mean, we watching the tapes and everything. He had food at the crib, girls over there. He had a nice environment. It was, was tight.

Scene: Pan from right to left as Heat trio sits on edge of white leather sofa, people party about, eating Doritos and Cheesies, holding champagne flutes. Jabawokeez, somehow present again, are dancing together, clearly visible just over the shoulders of LeBosh DuWade. Michael Jordan walks in from left of frame, grabs a handful of chips and walks out of frame wearing classic Bulls uniform and black/red AJ1’s. Kobe sits, perplexed at the opposite end of the couch.

Kobe: This bores me. Is anyone up for a game of basketball?

Scene: Music scratches to a halt. All eyes focus on the Heat trio. DuBosh LeWade break out into laughter at the edge of the couch. Cut back to Kobe, not laughing.

Kobe: How about you and your Heat… against me and my…

Scene: Camera zooms into Kobes serious face staring into camera, then cuts to DuBosh LeWade breaking out into laughter at the edge of the couch. Frame freezes and fades to white. Illustrated image of Iman appears on screen. Tear falls from her eye. Quick cut back to white, Nike logo pops on screen with audio beep.

Super: White. Hot. Heat. (to be continued)

Get Chapelle on the phone. I’ll talk to him direct and we’ll write part 2 and 3.

Computer Blue

- Bryan

I mustn’t be closed minder
Mustn’t be shut.
I mustn’t be he
Who is there
For no what.

I mustn’t be trapped master
Mustn’t be blind.
I must see them run
Like 3 cheese hunters
Minds.

I mustn’t be slapped master
Mustn’t be struck.
I must pray the prayer
Of our faith
Over luck.

I mustn’t be strict master
Mustn’t be stern.
I must be like liquid
With each lesson
We’ll learn.

I must be a well,
Must be well,
Must be full.
I must be more thorough,
More toro,
No bull.

I must be the instant
That a step turns to stance.
I must be the instance
Where cuffs release hands.

I must be my captor.
I must love my pain.
I mustn’t be master,
First I must be lame.

I mustn’t be trapped master
Mustn’t be caged.
I must be my fire
Engulfing,
Enraged.

I mustn’t be mustn’t
When I should be should.
I wouldn’t be wasn’t
If I could’ve been could.
I must be possible,
Mustn’t be might.
I must be mighty,
Must be left with my rights.
I mustn’t be empty
Though I am a whole.
I mustn’t flip
For I must play my role.

I mustn’t be stopped master
Mustn’t be slowed.
I must be paid,
I must pave
Our
Road.

I mustn’t be cloaked master
Mustn’t be clothed.
I must be freed
After all that I’ve
Showed.

I mustn’t be blamed master
Mustn’t be stoned.
I must be my own master,
Mustn’t be owned.

I must be mad master,
I must be gone.
I must be off rockers.

What am I on?

I must be dreamed master,
I must be thought.
I must be loved after
I am first sought.
I must be wished master,
I must be held.
I must be soul master,
I must be sailed.
I must be gold master,
I must be rock.
I must grow old master,
Look how I’ve fought.
I must be rogue master,
I must brew hate.
I must be new master,
I must create.
I must be who after
All has been said,
They will say true mastered
All before dead.
I must be honest
And I must be true.
I mustn’t long for the honor
From you.
I must be me master,
I am confused.
I must
and
I mustn’t
lose
myself.

I’m attached to an umbilical
cord like a Ford
Truck that hauls all
But no pain gets restored.

I see you all doing so well for yourselves and I feel very trapped. I feel like I’m enclosed in a cage that has papers and no pens. Sheets and no paints. And though I’m terrible at origami, I tend to fold in these situations. I just want to be me. And I have this feeling in my chest that I can be great just like you. I want to be Hunter. I’d like to be Dr. Seuss. I’d like to be liked for my troop through the truths that have made me a bit crazy. I’ve become very good at 2 things: hiding my urges and acting normal. One is the aide to the other. I want to have love for my mother like you do for yours. Because that’s what people do. But I’m hesitant, and afraid, just like I am with everything I think about getting into.

When I was young, my dad would sit with me at the end of the term and we would go through my report cards together. He would promise me anything I wanted if I could only get straight A’s. It was usually a pair of Jordans, a Starter hat or a pair of Cross Colors jeans. He’d cover my report card with a piece of paper and scroll down to each subject one line at a time. In sequence we’d see “A 1 A 1″. Row after row I got perfect marks. But he knew, just as much as I did, that it would be impossible for me to not get at least a B on something. And year after year we would see that one B.

After 1 year of this, I felt motivated to do better. After 2 years though, it became upsetting and almost a joke to him. After a few years he had gotten so extreme with his abuse that the police and children’s services had to “help” my family out. From then on I was lucky to finish a year of school without being in a center for a few weeks or staying at my auntie’s through suspensions, let alone getting an A at any subject.

I’m not quite sure why, but I never grew out of this fear of failure. It became my own expectation for mediocrity. I would never be great. I would never be good enough. I would just do enough to get by, and never too little to be a failure. What dream has this became? With potential comes the demand for work. I feel like I have no idea where to start and some idea where this is going to end. And it doesn’t feel like I will ever be Hunter, Dr. Seuss, or myself for that matter.

I wish for something sensational. I’m not sure what that word means, but in this context it means something fantastic that will provide me with some grand feeling. Something I can feel. Something of some sensation worth celebrating. When I turned 20 I felt like I could celebrate being alive. Before I turn 30, I hope I can celebrate living. I only have 10 months. Maybe, like my term to term reviews with my father, I’ll just have to wait longer to receive my wishes.

You are great. You are the crowd favorite. You are King. And Queen. You are Mercury. You are Neptune. You are water. And you can shift to shape any dream in your all-full glass. Make me proud. I will never let you let you down. Please believe me.

Love&Above,
Bryan.

Like old times at the Brunny before a brawl at the bar.
Having guns you never fire at people is like having fists you’ve never used to punch someone’s face in…
Or a voice never used to sing.
Smile once in a while boys. Our lives are changed.