Do You Like Assholes?
by be.
A lot of people think I’m an asshole. They think I do things with complete disregard for others and I don’t have any concern about the feelings of those around me. A lot of people look at some of what I do and say that I think I’m the shit, or that I’m better than others, or that my shit doesn’t smell like solid farts.
But this isn’t true.. entirely.
First of all, I do know that my poo smells like shit. But hey, at least we have something in common. Second of all, does the stuff that I do that makes people think of me as an asshole negate the things that I do that makes people think, or smile, or laugh, or strive for more? Seriously?
It seems that lately my honesty has been taken as ‘assholism’, so here’s my side of things:
• I say what I want, when I want to, with the utmost respect and consideration in mind for those who are listening to or reading my words.
• I speak with the intention of making people think, laugh, or understand themselves more.
• I will not pull a punch for the sake of buttering up a scenario that is salty enough in the first place.
• If I feel like my words will be hurtful, I don’t always hold my tongue.
• I believe that the benefit of realization is worth the pain of feeling offended.
• I react with a conscious effort at making things as fair as possible to everyone involved at all costs.
• I weigh ‘fairness’ based on merit.
• I do not see any value in lying to be nice.
• I see value in being honest.
• I see value in having respect.
• When I feel disrespected, I will not act like a victim. Fuck that.
• I am not always talking about YOU in my Twitter/Facebook updates.
• I am not necessarily talking about YOU in this post. You’re not the only person I am in contact with.
• My thoughts belong to me and the choice to express them, once again, is mine.
• I separate truth and opinion when being honest.
• Stating an honest opinion without being asked can be very hurtful.
• A truth is an indisputable fact.
• I’m not interested in hurting anyone.
• I will not be apologetic if someone is hurt by me stating the truth.
Tonight my homey asked me what he should say to someone in a particular scenario. I responded honestly. He replied: “You really want me to say that?”. I said: “Yeah, why not?”. The answer I gave him was the honest one, but it seemed that it may come off hurtful even though it wasn’t aggressive or intrusive. It was just stating the true response to a question.
So my questions to you are:
Would you rather your friends lie slightly for the sake of your feelings?
or
Be completely honest in stating the truth, (NOT OPINIONS), without your feelings in mind?
and
Do you think I’m an asshole?
lmao. I love that term.
NOTE: The photo used for this post was chosen because it was a photo of me doing something funny and semi-assholish.
- Bryan 'be.' Espiritu
Honesty is the key to any kind of relationship, no matter how hard it hurts I find it always feels better to know that they were truthful than to know they were lying.
As for you being an asshole…I don’t feel you are. My definition of an asshole would be a person who goes out of their way to put people down/hurt them. A person who is honest can be looked at as an asshole, however they shouldn’t be one because they were asked to respond and they gave an honest thought and weren’t going out of their way to hurt someone.
Honestly I agree with Andrew…can you really call your friends “friends” if you always expect them to lie to you?…you need trust…and part of having that is being able to trust your friends to put you in check and/or tell you the truth no matter regardless of how it may hurt you…hurt=pain and pain=growth.
and So far you dont seem like an asshole lol…you seem like a really cool dude whos had alot of ups and downs.
Honesty is always the best way to go, tru friends should always tell ya the real deal, even if it’s not what you wanna hear.
But asshole moments are made not only in what you say, but how u say it. While I believe in being truthful, I also believe in being tactful. Being honest doesn’t give a pass on dickish comments, lol. Sometimes the truth does hurt, but if the delivery is made with rudeness or even a hostile tone, it makes that truth an even harder pill to swallow, and may make the other person defensive, and completely miss out on what you’re trying to tell them.
For the record I don’t think you are, but I don’t kno ya like that :P
Always be honest, just choose your words carefully (that’s my approach). Take your time when explaining to the person and show that you are putting the time and effort in to explain how you sincerely feel, because you care.
I don’t think you are an asshole. Your numerous posts on facebook DO give me post envy. I’m sure that goes for a lot of your friends and viewers who can’t even come to terms with your last witty and mind blasting caper before an even more astounding vision sabotages their already-racing train of thought. You’re good man. You’re a good man and you walk your own path.
Just respect from me,
ntg (Nicholas Theodore Goodwin)
many people claim they want honesty but can’t handle it when it’s being delivered, regardless of how nice you word it. Honesty doesn’t make anyone an asshole. Or does it? Lol.. I think back to scenarios where people asked for my honest opinion but didn’t like what i had to say. To me it’s about a persons intentions. I could deliver an honest opinion in a sincere tone but some people just can’t handle what they don’t want to hear. Than you become a dick face ( or an asshole)
i think if you know the person well and know that they have no ill intentions for you, take their opinions for what they are. Just know it came from a place of respect they have for you and be happy they didn’t sugar coat it. Some people need things coated in sugar, dipped in honey with chocolate sprinkles on top unlike myself who rather have it raw, plain and simple.
( i use the word opinion because regardless if it’s the “truth” when your the asshole for saying it, the truth is often received as your opinion) does that make sense?
ps. i’m not really good at writing and expressing myself. *sorry*
p.p.s. do i think you’re an asshole? i don’t know you. so no.
lol. I can relate to this. I have a “nice” persona, but for the most part…I am quite the asshole (so I have been told mostly because of my honesty as well). I don’t mind hurting peoples feelings if I think it will help them. But I won’t poke around my opinion in a place I know is unnecessary for me to poke in, even if I feel strongly about it. People seem to think an asshole intends to hurt peoples feelings, I never expect others to have regard for my feelings when they’re honest cause I know its truthful, therefore I do the same. I don’t really read enough of your writing really to establish if you are an asshole (via this blog or twitter) lol. Then again I don’t really believe you can say someone’s an asshole based solely on those outlets.
Can I copy those bullets and hand them out as a pamphlet for those who call me an asshole, because I get that whole honesty=asshole dilemma a lot, and explaining myself somehow seems to get me in more trouble.
I read your previous post and one of your readers suggested you read the secret and you told him you didn’t care, that seemed kinda harsh, was this post inspired by that comment? Although your intention is not to offend, i think sometimes you do, so as mentioned above, wording is everything.
I know that dude. I didn’t say that he was bullshit. I said that I’ve heard about The Secret and I think that it’s bullshit, but then again, I’ve never seen it. But I don’t care to, to tell the truth. If I didn’t know him and never met him or spoke to him in person, I wouldn’t have responded like that. But he’s seen my good side personally and has followed me, my work, my blog, for long enough, even appeared on my blog, and our relationship is at a point where I don’t think my blatant honesty is going to make him hang himself from a basketball rim with a belt. I believe, from his direct messages and text messages to me, that what I do is beneficial to him and I’m not pouring salt on any of his wounds.
I really like the comments about wording and tone. That makes a lot of sense. My sister was the queen of SOUNDING like a bitch. It wasn’t always in what she said, it was how she said it, and it would drive me absolutely insane.
Thanks for the comments guys. And greg, if I offended you, go fuck yourself you little baby. lol. I’m kidding.
that picture is greatness
candor is a virtue yo.
blessed be those friends who have a logical answer to option.
our lives happen TO things, and not the other way around. thus it makes sense when things push back.. HARD. and you can’t sugar coat solutions when the problems themselves have no mercy or regard for your life. hell, at some point its karmic for your previous disregard.
a shrewd look is the one that focuses unabashedly and disregards the unnecessary. we know the benefit of that. but there’s plenty to be said for the softer and more compassionate approach.
TACT is a skill, and as a suggestion, you should learn to use it.. it could get you places that a killer instinct would not!
wrd.
so you’re that guy huh
Ahhh boy…let me begin
Would you rather your friends lie slightly for the sake of your feelings?
OR
Be completely honest in stating the truth, (NOT OPINIONS), without your feelings in mind?
I want the truth (sometimes). And I know I can handle it (sometimes). So Nicholson was right. But I still want it if it comes void of opinions. After reading the second question I understand that even the way the truth is delivered can cause the impact to be negative or positive. Tone of voice, hand gestures, eye contact etc., can all determine how someone receives the truth. And sometimes the truth comes out however you give it and THAT could just depend on the situation.
Being completely truthful doesn’t mean you add f-bombs to whatever you’re saying. It just means leaving out the sugar.
I mean telling someone they aren’t good at singing in a one on one situation while adding some positive advice is different from putting on their facebook wall, “Yo I just watched the video from your performance last night and damn I wish I was deaf for those 4 minutes.”
Or if your significant other sucks at kissing you can have a nice chat about it rather than running and telling all your friends how horrid he/she is.
Because in the latter instances you’re not helping anyone and really just making the situation worse.
You know what I mean? In the end the you’re still getting across the point the person isn’t good but how you do it can make the difference.
Sooo, do I think you’re an asshole?
No. But I can understand why people perceive you that way. You’re not a people pleaser in the sense that you don’t do everything hoping for recognition and validation from others. You’re not about fitting in just to get in. You’re more likely to say, “no I don’t” when someone says, “you knowwhattamean?” Shit, you don’t even respond to bbm msgs all the time lol even though we live in a time where forms of communication are abundant therefore we all must act accordingly. You’re more of an “against the currant” kind of guy. Sooo that can be interpreted as assholism. ‘Course your shit stanks. Maybe it even reeks! LMAO But I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole.
The End.
Q – Would you rather your friends lie slightly for the sake of your feelings?
or
Be completely honest in stating the truth, (NOT OPINIONS), without your feelings in mind?
A – friends are those who aren’t afraid to be honest with you, even in situations when what they have to tell you is not what you want to hear. A true friend should not be afraid to offend, because they know you won’t take it personally. When you’re doing something wrong a good friend should have the heart and the balls to tell you so, because really, who wants to be surrounded by a bunch of “yes” men who have nothing to offer but they’re constant approval to you?
Q – Do you think I’m an asshole?
A- not as far as I know. haha. sometimes people mistake honesty for being synonymous with “asshole” (usually these are people who take themselves far too seriously and lack a sense of humor), but in the end that’s only their perspective, and your own is what matters most.
I love assholes.. LOL!! Really I do.
Question: Would you rather your friends lie slightly for the sake of your feelings?
or
Be completely honest in stating the truth, (NOT OPINIONS), without your feelings in mind?
Honestly I would like the best of both worlds. There are times that i need my friend to lie to me. I know that they are but that isn’t the point. They are in tune and know what I may need at that moment to just feel better and once feeling better can face the asshole fact in which then the truth comes. It works for me.
Since I asked for this I must give it as well. Naturally my responses are not the best but the realest and some people are not always ready for that. So I take a step back sometimes and say it nicely or say nothing at all. My brother says I am like a dude when he asks me about relationship issues he has. Like a pimp.. lol I laugh. It came to the point that he wouldn’t come to e when he was serious about the girl cause he was afraid of what I would say. So I decided to feel people out and ask: Do you want my honest opinion or to hear what makes you feel better?
Personal interaction with another human being requires to be in tune with them; their wants and dislikes. That is if you want to be in there life and vise versa. A little give and take.
Question: Do you think I’m an asshole?
I can’t answer that really cause I do not know you personally. From your blog and tweets though I say that you have what people perceive to be asshole ways but in actuality it is saying and thinking what most people are afraid to say and think.
I think you are “centered” and understand the ‘difference’ of being honest and being an asshole!! BIG DIFFERENCE – though the ‘population’ has a mis-construed image of BOTH!! I gained a lot by reading your post!! And appreciate your honesty!! HONESTY is paramount – in a world filled with LIARS!!!