TheLegendsLeague | Bryan Espiritu

Holy Shit! Blackberry Messenger is down! Aaawwwww, HELL NAH!

So, I was on Lakeshore, driving east and about to turn onto Bathurst, when my Berry went off. It was the homegirl Nikki just sayin “Whassup”. So I hit her back real quick (after I pulled over and turned off the ignition to the car, Mrs. Officer) and wrote, “Ehhh”. But then, guess what!? There was no “D”. And then you know what?! There was no “R”!!!! There was no ANYTHING! Just an arrow! An arrow? Yeah, an arrow. You know, like the bullets that they used to use in Robin Hood? That’s all I had. But I don’t even wear TIGHTS!!! What the fuck!?? What if her message was important?! What if her “Whassup” was about to be followed by “… with you being chosen as Canada’s Next Top Model?” or something and I was missing my opportunity at vanity and celebrity at it’s Canadian finest?! Something must have been wrong with her phone..

But as I drove over to LiveStock to check the family and pick up some “$$$”, and as we all huddled around to not talk to each other and stare at our BlackBerry’s, we all collectively typed an imaginary “OMG! WTF! GTFOH!” Because, as you guessed it – BlackBerry service was down for ALL OF US!!!!

(enter music from “PSYCHO” here.)

What were we to do?! How were we gonna communicate to each other?! How was I supposed to notify everyone on Twitter of my whereabouts, including the psycho stalker motherfuckers who try to find out every step that I take?! Maybe I should have picked up a bull horn!! Or better yet, maybe I should have picked up a bull by the horns and rode my way through Toronto with a megaphone telling everyone what I was doing in an up-to-the-minute Play-By-Play style! No. It’s too cold for that! What was I to do PEOPLE?! So many choices to make…

But it all happened too quickly for me to react with such swift decision making comparable to Steven Seagal in any one of his multiple multi-thousand dollar grossing films. So I stepped on the gas and sent my ass home with a quickness.

The thoughts were racing like kids to a heroine sale:

What am I missing?! Who’s doing what on Facebook?! What random religious broadcast message encouraging me to spam the BBMs of hundreds of my friends or suffer the striking hand of a God who forgives all and loves us equally was I not receiving thanks to this horrific downtime of RIM service?

Panic.
Panic.
Panic.
Panic.

This is insane. This is too much. This has gone on for

WAY

TOO

LONG!!!

Then as I came into my house, I started cooking. I sat with a coffee struggling to come up with a solution for not being able to send emoticons and ridiculous jokes about poo to people I never speak to in person. I mean, hey, I’m pretty smart. I’m kind of intelligent. And contrary to the photo I’ve used for this post, I’m pretty damn handsome. Handsome people are ALWAYS the ones with the best solutions right? Right? C’mon, help me out here!

So the sauce was ready. The penne cooked just right. And my couch whispering sweet nothings to me from a distance like, “Bryan… come sit on my face…”.

I made myself a plate of pasta. I sat with the TV on UFC Unleashed. And I watched Clay Guida while I ate a plate of delicious. And in the mix of it all, the frustration, the confusion, the itching and redness… there was silence.

Maybe this isn’t so bad. Maybe this is the best thing we all could have asked for during a time of interaction and enjoyment of one another’s company. Or maybe it’s time for me to finally switch over to an iPhone.

Do you remember when there was that huge blackout in Toronto? Well, this isn’t as big a deal as that. We still have running water and electricity. We still have phone use and the internet at our homes. We still have shelter, food, clothes on our backs, and things to be hopeful for and happy about. And arguably the only thing we don’t have is a consistent interruption that we tend to pay more attention to than the things we should really always be grateful for.

The world’s not over. Relax.

Love & Above,
be.