TheLegendsLeague | Bryan Espiritu

Sure, there’s been a lot of great little successes along my journey to pursuing my life as an expressive, creative individual who puts his thoughts and ideas on clothing, in patterned words in poems and posts, and designs on little characters called Whollys. Much of those successes come in the form of recognition, kind words from complete strangers in the public, and messages of praise, support, and keep-keepin’-on’s.

I walked around my house today trying to clean up the mess and whirlwind left by my recent bout with what has turned out to be H1N1, and while taking out heaps of trash and recycling waste, I thought to myself: “It is important for you to never have to go to work. The work must come to you.”

This felt a little bit like a bold statement. But I believe it was nothing but an honest faith I have in myself and the dreams that I have slowly unfolded for the public to see and enjoy. I do not ever want to be bound to the goals of another person. I want for my life and my purpose to be fully realized.

And I think that’s beginning to happen…

Yet often I feel the pains of the failures I’ve experienced along my path to getting to the path that leads to where I need to start building the foundation to pave the path to my journey to success. As long as that sounds, that’s the reality behind it. It ain’t a short road. And the scrapes sure don’t happen lightly.

I feel hindered by the struggles some nights. After being through with the smiles and jokes and funny little comments on my twitter page, I’m still left alone in my apartment with no television or music on, staring into nowhere, watching my thoughts flash movies and memoirs of a mythical life of “beaten boy to celebrated star” fantasy. And then I feel this deep, sinking in my chest that is propelled by the idea of money.

Sometimes, when you’re a craftsman, you buy wood and tools to carve yourself a beautiful creature. You conceptualize, and craftily conceive it through hard worked hours and carefulness. And your hopes are to one day be able to adopt a financial return that is greater than that which you have spent to own what was once a slab and a tray of files, awls and picks. A trade that allows you to trade your time for some lifeblood. Money. And when the time comes to sell your creation to an eager owner whose books balance your ability to move on or stand still, or sink ship, you too are excited. You hand over your creature and have completed the goal. But you are empty. You realize that your love for what you had spent so heartily building, so heavily outweighs your payment’s weight in gold. Your love has been sold. And you do it all over then, if for nothing but to stay alive.

Some days I feel like this.. and it hurts. Today was one of those days. And as much as the money and greetings, and gratitude warm me. I feel cold at what love I have sold with no fair return.

Good night.

LLove&Above,
be.