I Miss Red Meat

So I decided while I was in LA last month that I would quit eating red meat and fast food. This would be the first move in making the decision to take greater care of my body and overall health and get into the quote enquote “Best Shape of My Life”.

Me and my lil cousin thought that the change would be a good way to help us get rid of a few extra pounds and keep our diet a little less fatty so we could get all Tyler Durden’ed out. Lol. So our agreement was that until September 1st we are not allowed to eat red meat. Well that’s just dandy right? No problem. But damnit, there’s a few things that I forgot about.

1. It’s Summertime.
And Barbecues are the absolute shit. Not that any of my friends actually have barbecues anymore, but if there so happens to be a random barbecue, I’m assed out of getting a good beefy burger. Matter of fact, last weekend I went to my daughter’s aunties place and couldn’t eat half of the amazing food they barbecued up. FML.

2. The Keg.
I got a lot of homies that work at The Keg. If you’re not from Canada, you may not know what I’m talking about, but it’s a bomb steakhouse out here. Anyways, after eating that slab of cow in the picture above while I was in California, I can honestly say that Lawry’s is now #2 on my list of amazing steak houses, down 1 spot from it’s former place at the top of the list. I’ve got The Keg seasoning at my house for when I used to be able to make steaks.. but it’s just gotta sit in the cupboard for a couple more months.

3. Korean BBQ.
If you’re not familiar, you are missing the fuck out. I can probably eat the equivalent of a half of a small cow in Korean BBQ in one sitting. And I don’t just eat it in that lazy, leave a little bit of meat on the bone kind of way. I eat the fuck out of those things until I just got a plate of straight bones. I love that shit with all of my hearts arteries. Foreal. You can actually get a tub of marinating Korean BBQ for like a $100. I’m going in for a G’s worth when I’m done this damn diet.

4. All Day Breakfast.
I live a 25 second walk from a greasy spoon that serves all day breakfast. I used to go there about 3 times a week to get 4 eggs over medium, home fries, burnt sausage, crispy bacon, whole wheat toast and a coffee. But on my current diet that meal would fizzle down to 4 egg whites, whole wheat toast, and coffee with milk and sweetener. I miss you All Day Breakfast. Even though I don’t know what a sausage actually is.

5. Ribfest.
I grew up and still currently live in Etobicoke, the western most portion of the Greater Toronto Area. There’s a place called Centennial Park by my moms old house that has this thing called Ribfest every year around Canada Day. There’s huge competitions for the best ribs on the planet and I’ve actually never ever had any ribs there. What the fuck was I thinking? Well, I know what you’re thinking – Pork isn’t red meat. Well first of all I’m not a fan of pork in it’s rib or steak form. But some good world class barbecued ribs seem mighty tasty to me right about now. Then again, I’d probably eat a piggy bank if there was one sitting in front of me with this meat withdrawal I’ve been feeling. Damn.

6. Harvey’s.
Again, if you’re not from Canada, you probably don’t know what Harvey’s is. Well Harvey’s is basically like a barbecue in a park with walls and counters and registers and staff members all around it. The burgers taste like you made them yourself, and they’re toppings are made to order. I love Harvey’s. Always have. Always will. And man, I wish I could have some Harvey’s right now.

7. Fast Eddie’s.
There are 9 Fast Eddie’s Locations in all of Canada. Find the closest one to you and tell me you’re not in love. I first went to Fast Eddie’s while I was working for Solo Mobile with Zaki. We went there not knowing what to expect, but our friend Lu said it was the shit. After eating a Big Bacon Cheese Slider, Bacon Crazy Fries, and a Banana Cream Pie Wildshake, my urine came out like soft serve ice cream and I felt like I was about to fall into a coma. Honestly, if there was ever a time when a bear was having trouble hibernating, they would probably recommend that that bear go to Fast Eddie’s for a meal. The itis is dumb lethal. I can’t wait to go back..

8. C******* Bros.
I’m not gonna bait this scene out too too much, because it’s a gold mine for amazing food 24 hours a day 7 days a week that I would hate to see get flooded by pansies, rich kids and snobbish bitches, but if you know like I know, you don’t wanna step to this. I used to drink the tomato sauce from this place out of a styrofoam container. Gangster.

9. Quarter Pounders with Cheese.
My favorite of all McDonald’s burgers. Extra mayo, onion and pickle, well done. That’s the grill. (All my past and present McDonald’s employees know the deal. lol). I always feel disgusting after I eat one of these, but while I’m eating one, it’s like…….. sex. Just not as sexy sort of.

10. Hmmm. I can’t think of a number 10.
I’ll leave this one up to you. If you couldn’t eat red meat, what would YOU miss that I didn’t mention? This is basically the list of things that I’m gonna stuff my face with as soon as I get off this diet, which will then get me back into the shape I was in a month ago and then require for me to do another crazy weight loss project on TheLegendsLeague. lol. No, but foreal. What would YOU miss?? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

That’s all.

I’m hungry again.. lol.

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