A Little More Than A Little.
by be.
I never really wrote for the sake of getting a response for much of my life. The fact is that not a lot of people were listening. It wasn’t until I had an assignment to write “an anthology of poems” in 7th grade that I felt anyone paid any attention. And so, with a new found ear in one of my grade school teachers, I wrote with the voice and idea that there was somebody on the other side of the globe doing the same, just waiting to sit with me to share his pieces.
Suddenly when 2 people heard me read my work I realized that I may be able to write for 4 people who would possibly sit in on the coffee shop readings that used to happen around 1995 and 96. Those 4 people may turn into 8 and into 16, and into a huddled crowd outside of my high school. Then maybe it would turn into open mics at York University and Fruition. It may turn into outros on mixtapes, random recordings, pieces on a myspace, and then suddenly – this blog. And now I’ve found that I write more to share than I do to vent, while still brushing my chest off at the end of it all to feel intensely relieved.
The other day I wrote a little bit about what I was doing with this Sober 165 experiment. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a plan that I’ve made for myself to remain disciplined and focused on my health and well being, namely my diet and sobriety, over the next 75 days (starting September 18th). I am doing this for myself. Because I’m tired of feeling like shit about the way that I look and feel. But I am sharing it with you to hopefully motivate some of you to do more for yourselves, and thankfully, many of you are joining in on the fight with me. I applaud and bow my head to you.
Soon after posting this introduction to The Sober 165, I got an email from one of my regular readers…
I will not post the details of this message, but I will say this -
My heart is full. And it is humbled by the fact that there are things that I decide to share with all of you that touch on your emotions in such a way that you feel trust enough in the person that I am to share right back. I never imagined that the effects of what I would say, or do, or create would allow for another person’s liberation, honesty and opinion to come right back and refuel me to continue to do more; that the idea that I am making an effort to do more for myself would stir memories of childhood hardships and family woes to such an extent that you would be willing to shed so candidly your thoughts and feelings about something so fresh in your life. I am really, truthfully floored by the support you have always shown me, and I’m sorry that there isn’t more that I can do to show you how appreciative I am of the fact that you sent what you sent to me, you’ve supported how you’ve supported me, and you continue to lead, what seems to be, an incredibly clear life, with a light heart, a smile, and something positive to say.
Thank you. Sincerely. It’s amazing to be able to get the same energy back that I do my best to send out.
With Love&Respect as usual.
bryan.
- Bryan 'be.' Espiritu
You have a genuine soul so what you write, what you give of yourself, touches people. You don’t seem to have that self-censoring mechanism that most people have that stops them from being 100% candid about themselves or their lives. Because you don’t hide who you are and the things you’ve been through, your words ring with a truth and sincerity that maybe gives the rest of us permission to be truthful and sincere…even if it is only with ourselves. I’ve only been reading your blog for a short time, but I have felt the impact of your words and your life, even though you are thousands of miles away geographically. I am so greatful that men like you and Will are on this planet and willing to share your experiences with the rest of us. As the mother of a young man I am happy that there are men like the two of you who, In my opinion, turn today’s definition of a man on it’s ear. Thank you for being.
Bless
J~
i can only say ‘thank you’.
Real recognize real. As cliche as it may sound, it’s true. You’ve opened yourself to us in such a genuine way that it’s hard not to feel like we can share a thought or two with you. You, be. have a lot to offer. And THAT my friend is a profound willingness to shed all masks that we’ve grown accustomed to wearing (mostly out of necessity than preference). Your sincerity is admirable. Much appreciated.